Empty

ugh so home for the first time in about a week and a half and first night sucks ass already this place sucks makes me think so much about my life and everything bad mostly i noe everyone has problems but idk mine suck i noe everyones probaly sayin so do ower well idk i would seriously give up my sidekick and my computrer the things i use the most just to be happy i just wanna beable to be happy seriously being in moval wit my friends for a week in a half made me miss my old life so much i just wanted to die noticein how much i miss everyone how much joeys family means to me they take me in as if i were there on kid and that makes me so happy but being home just kindda sucks family life is wack my mom and dad r fightin alot and everytime i say something my mom seems to get mad at me i guess im just a dumb stupid daughter who has nothin going for her just a straght up fuck up idk what to do anymore boys i really think im done i noe i say this over and over again but i always get hurt and it just sucks it sucks to be so alone and not have someone u can go to and hug and kiss but hey i guess its life at least i have my bestfriend i can talk to idk anymore about alot of things this year is a new year i wanna start off fresh and good in skool its just hard tho i wanna just be free have no worrie i wanna be 5 when i thought boys were nasty and had coties idk i just wanna be happy is it so hard to ask i wanna find someone who understands me someone i wont fighjt wit someone who gets me inside and out i had him and lost him ughhhh thats old tho i just want a meanin to life seriosuly a meanin idk well yea im gunna go think some maybe tomorrow will be a bit better but i about it well happy new year everyone i noe its late but hey u noe its still the first couples days <33

i hate myself just thought u should all noe.... im not satisfised wit who i am i belive i can be a better daughter and a better student and i dont try hard i noe this shits lame talkin about skool and wat not but oh well i noe i can do better and no matter how much i wanna i just think about how i hate myself and i dig myself into a bigger hole...ughhh well thats just me maybe in 06 ill try doing better again maybe in skool at least cuz by me fuckin up in skool only turns around to hurt me everything i do seems to make me a bit weaker and a bit stronger i noticed this for sure last night letting things out once in awhile help me but idk i just rather keep shut and have no one noe what i am going thought the funnie thing is ppl think i have an amazing life and i really dont its all fake i put on fake smile so u think im happy when im realy not ehhh idk oh i just am not satifised wit who i am i hate myself and thats y own fault but no matter what i do ill dbout ill ever like myself so there really is no need for me to try and fix it ehh idk thanxs for caring byez xoxo

well live journal is to get things of ur chest right well thats just wat im going to do gayyy tonight has sucked so fucken much i swear i fought wit the parents and then cryed my eyes out realizing he dosent care about yes him the person i thought who did i was wrong again i was wrong... kinda sucks cuz i always get my heart broken and those of u who no me well and no him no i didnt have sex wit him if thats what u think im not that type of person i just cared alot and i thought he did but idk maybe he does and i just dont see it or maybe he just dont give a fuck and idk i need outta this town seriously th friends i have made here are so great like jenny deeray jorge mel and everyone i talk to just so fucken great there amazing ppl but i dont like this place to tell u the truth im not made for this town im made for a small town where everyone noes everyone i noe that sounds lame but im used to it idk and stuff at home dont help much ether just so many problems ever where and i guess just gettin outta it makes me happy seriously last week befor christmas the week was so amazinh just hangin out wit joey elica smallz and everyone of my friends in moval was just fun no worries nothin i was just so happy i could smile and it wasnt fake norma joeys mom makes me feel so comfortable just all my friends idk i get a feelin when im there and i noe they care about me it feels like i am home then i come home and my home dosent really feel like home it scares me alot that idk i just so bothered by everything here ughhh i just dont noe what to do i try and be happy and i cant i cant be happy when im not wit my friends ad my family call me selifsh but i need my friends in life to my friends here in la r great but i need my moval friends to idk i wanna move back so bad i just wanna go back so fucken bad i wish i could but i cant leave my mom i just noe i cant idk wat to do ughhhh i just wanna be happy welll i guess im done for tonight and ill le u go thanx u for reading may god bless u and u be safe <33

i just want this worible dream to be over i really wish it was a dream i just wanna noe the trut the fucken truth is that so fucken hard to ask for ugh!!!!!!!!!!!! i guess its time i tell myself the truth that im stuck in this place till im 18 and go to collage which i kindda hope is soon but then again i dont . . . everything i noe seems like a lie i have friends here who r great amazing ppl and i thanx them for axceping me and being my friends others its likfe fuck u ekkkk idk tho most of them are great just on eor two who arent im tierd of not being happy im tierd of always being dissapointed and hurt y do guys do things to hurt u y cant they just tell u the truth ekkk idk went to the movies today was fun to hangout wit ppl felt good havent done that much out here always just at home keepin to myself seems easyer ehh idk tomorrow im soupose to go to moval but i dbout i am my brothers acting so fucken stupid ugh i hate it i just wanna see joey common my bestfriend havent seen him for two weeks its fucken gayy i also wanna go see EMFHS play its a friends show so i noe its gunna be a good show also it a cd release show ehh dentist in the morning and well see from there idk tho i just wanna find truth in life new year is comming up and i hope it turns out a million and 20 times better than this year did even tho i try makin the best of things its hard idk well im outs i guess nothin to do i guess ill sleep it off like always and hope to have a better day the tomorrow well later xoxo

well tonight ive thought and thought ive had good conversations and bad conversation i thanx god i have the friends i do chris,& tyler r two of the easyest to talk to espacaly tyler. . . . . i figuederd that all thats been happenin to me is that im being hurt. . . today started off good and i had a good day just the night has disapointed me . . . . idk i guess things really do happen for a reason my jelous is big i guess u can say and ut just gets to me how he flirts alot im just hurting and i cant take it anymore ive said this befor but i think im about ready to give up on relationships and just chill for a bit everytime i like someone or start to like someone i just get hurt and im sick of if i just wanna find someone who actualy cares and is true for once but in this world i really dont think ppl r that way i just wish they were ehhh idk anymore..... well i just hope my mom lets me go to joeys this weekend cuz there throwing a birthday party for my big brother david ekkkkk the big 19 yayaya i love him so much. . . . just wanna have fun a forget about stuff so hopefully i get to go other than that thats about my day now ill leave here A memorie of a good time. . .

so yea today interesting alot of stuff going on at skool and at home ekkkk im happy david came to vist me and the my family for a week i love him so much he is just one of my big bro's well things at home going back to normal i guess just stressing it wit skool nothin im not used to tho well hmmm things in my head im think r ekk will be quit supriseing to alot of ppl but i dont really care what they think just me being me so i still miss my old life nothins changin just really excited for christmas vacation to get here so i can go away and vist friends and family and just have a good time like always i hope this chrismas and new years r good like last years or even better i was bored today and was messing wit my bro's stuff and i found a humongus cow boy hat its from halloween haha

today was ok i guess just a bit of a slow day for me ehhh and ive been feelin really sick idk whats going on wit me but ive been sick and sad and just ugh to everything well im off to bed or do something laterz <3

ekkk i wish life was perfect ekkk right only in my dreams....im tierd of wishin im tierd of pretendin to be happy im just tierd of shit and ppl they need to mind there busness and stay the fuck outta mine wat i do is my problem ugh im just so tierd of hipocitical ppl the piss me the fuck off im not perfect and i dont fucken care if im not not one person on this planet is.... everyone has there problems everyone has something wrong wit them.... i havent had this much anger in awhile i hate so many ppl lately its crazy idk i guess lately im not a ppl person im the type of person who is sick of everyone shit and is happy wit what she has happy wit her true friends happy wit her family and i think im happy being alone right now boys cause drama them selves idk im just a little lost and confused ughhhhhhhhh haveing my bestfriend is what gets me through everything he is the one who is there and understands me i need time away from everyone time away from the city i think idk i need to just be in a relaxed town wit close close friends and just chill and laugh and smile real smiles idk anymore about thingsekk joey is such and amazing friend idk i gunna sleep now lates

seroiously fuck love and fuck u ppl who talk smack seriously grow up im dont wit bullshit mind ur busness damn and guys lie to fucken much ugh i hurt cuz of u u ruined it and its like w/e i dont want to do wit life or love and more....

RIGHT NOW I REALLY NOE WHAT IT IS TO BE ALONE I HAVE NOT ONE PERSON I CAN DEPEN ON I NEVER SEE MY BESTFRIENDS I NEVER REALLY DO SEE MUCH OF MY FRIENDS IM LEFT IN LA IVE LIVES HERE FOR ABOUT A YEAR NOW AND I HATE IT WIT ALL MY HEART I JUST WANT MY LIFE BACK I WANNA BEABLE TO GIVE PPL REAL SMILES I MISS LAUGHIN I MISS SMILEING I MISS BEING ABLE TO FEEL LIKE IM NOT ALONE I MISS SHARING THE GOOD MEMORIES WIT JOEY AND LISHA AND SMALLZ I JUST WANNA BEABLE TO HAVE MEMORIES I JUST WANNA BEABLE TO BE HAPPY ALL I WANNA NOE IS Y Y DO I HAVE TO LIVE HERE Y DO I HAVE TO DEAL WIT THIS I HAVE NO ONE HERE NOT ONE PERSON...MY FAMILY DOSENT GET ME ALL I DO IS FIGHT WIT FAMILY MY BROTHERS DONT EVEN FEEL LIKE BROTHERS THEY SEEM TO CARE ABOUT OTHER THINGS OTHER THAN ME THEY FEEL LIKE NOTHIN HERE I HAVE NOTHIN HERE I HAVE NO ONE WELL I DO HAVE SOMEONE I HAVE ULY HERE IN LA BUT THINGS R STILL SO HARD I NEED MY LIFE BACK MY LIFE OF JOY MY LIFE WHERE I NEW WHO I COULD AND COULDNT TRUST I JUST DONT NOE WHAT TO DO WIT MYSELF ANYMORE IDK WHAT TO DO ABOUT BEING HERE I THINK THATS Y I LOCK MYSELF IN MY ROOM AWAY FROM EVERYONE CUZ I GET TO THINK AND I GET TO SMILE A BIT AND LOOK AT PICTURES AND TALK TO FRIENDS IDK WELL THANXS FOR READING THIS IM OUT I CANT TAKE THIS SHIT

UGH SO YESTERDAY ME AND MY BF BROKE UP UGH GUYS R CONFUSIN YET SO AM I AM VERY DIFICULT I HATE THE FACT THAT LIFE IS HARD TO FIND TRUE LOVE IS HARD TO FIND I NOE IM YOUNG BUT STILL WELL TONIGHT WHICH IS HALLOWEEN SUCK ASS UGH SERIOUSLY WORST ONE IVE EVER HAD I CANT BELIVE I STOOD HOME AND THOUGHT OF THAT ONE PERSON SO MUCH I DIDNT THINK I WAS CABIBLE OF CARING FOR SOMEONE SO MUCH IDK WHAT TO DO ANYMORE BOYS R DIFFICLUT,SKOOL SUCKS,LIFE JUST SUCKS BASICALY WELL WELL OTHER THINSG SUCH AS THIS PAST WEEKEND OMG ANTHONYS SHOW CAME OUT GOOD EVEN THO COPS CAME WE JUST MOVED IT IT WAS AMAZING WE HAD THE SHOW IN ALLENS KITCHEN YES HAHA NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD HEAR MYSELF SAY WE THREW A SHOW IN SOMEONES KITCHEN.....THAT WAS GOOD AND IM SOUPOSE TO GO SEE DONNYBROOK,HOODS,BLACK MY HEART AND TWO OTHER BANDS ON WENSDAY I HOPE PLANS DONT FALL THROUGHT LIKE THE ONES I HAD TONIGHT WELL YEA UGH THATS ABOUT ALL ILL WRITE U MORE LATER BYE XOXO<3

SO HMMP SUNDAY R LONG ALWAYS NOTHIN TO DO AND TODAY ITS A COLD SUNDAY UGH IM TIERD OF PPL GETTING MAD AT ME FOR DUMB REASONS AT THIS POINT I THINK IM DONE TRUSTIN ALOT OF PPL I DONT THINK I WANNA MAKE NEW FRIENDS FOR AWHILE PPL SERIOUSLY IDK THERE JUST SO UGH I REALLY HATE THIS PLACE IM SORRY TO SAY IT BUT I DONT ALL I WANT IS MY LIFE BACK WHERE I NEW WHO REALLY CAREDA BOUT ME AND WAS A FRIEND HERE ITS KINDDA HARD TO TRUST PPL AND STUFF SINCE,SINCE IVE BEEN HERE IVE HEARD SO MUCH SHIT TALKED OF ME SO MANY PROBLEMS UGH IM JUST ABOUT DONE WIT EVERYTHING ALL I NEED IS MY TRUE FRIENDS MY CLOSE FRIENDS IDK WHAT TO DO LATELY IVE BEEN SO CONFUSED WELL SHANTAL CAME TO M Y HOUSE YESTERDAY AND IT WAS FUN I HUNGOUT WIT HER ALL DAY THEN ULY CAME OVER THAT MADE ME WEEK MUCH BETTER ESPECALY SINCE IVE MISSED SHANTAL ALOT IDK WHAT TO DO ABOUT MY LIFE HERE IN LA ANYMORE IM JUST REALY TO GO BACK TO MOREN VALLEY WHERE I BELONG WHERE I THINK IT WILL BE BETTER TILL THEN IDK I NOE THERE IS MORE HAPPYNESS IN LIFE FOR ME BUT IDK WHEN ILL FIND IT WELL YEA IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAY ILL PUT MORE LATER XOXO

SO OVER ALL THIS WEEKEND TURNED OUT OK I GUESS IT WAS FUN ONE OF THE MORE LESS GOOD WEEKENDS IVE HAD LIVING IN LA SO YEA I WENT TO A SHOW FRIDAY NIGHT SOME GOOD BANDS BU SO MAY STUCK OUT CHICKS THERE THE GUYS OWNED THE PIT AS USALY HAHA WELL YEA THEN SATERDAY AND SUNDAY SUCKED ALOT I WAS SOUPOSE TO SEE MY JACOB AND MY BFF JOEY BUT AS ALWAYS MY BROTHERS WERE BEING STUPID AND I WANST ABLE TO GO TO MORENO VALLEY UGH I HATE LIFE RIGHT ABOUT NOW SKOOL IS A BIT SUCKY ALOT OF KIDS THERE THEINK THERE TO KOOL FOR U AND AS ALWAYS ALOT OF SHIT TALKIN GOES AROUND I WISH I COULD GO BACK TO VALLEY BUT THEN AGAIN ITS THE SAME THERE UGH PPL ALWAYS TALKIN SHIT AND NOT ONE PERSON EVEN CARES SERIOUSLY I THOUGHT WE WHERE IN HIGH SKOOL PPL JUST NEED TO GROW UP AND MIDE THERE BUSNESS BUT YEA WELL THATS ABOUT ALL MY FAMILYS BEEN FIGHTING ALOT LATEY BUT YEA IDK IF THAT WILL EVER CHANGE IDK MY BROTHER IS JUST GETTING SO ANNOYING WIT ALL HIS BITCHING THEN HIS BITCH AS GF MOVED IN SO ITS EVEN WORSE SO UGH PPL IN THIS HOUSE R JUST DUMB SO W/E I GUESS ITS JUST AS LONG AS I HAVE MY JACOB IM FINE I LOVE HIM UGH THATS ALL FOR NOW

ugh so my first journal well yea i dont wanna sya alot but yea im just sad cuz a close friend is mad at me cuz he says my bf is a bad guy idk ughhh i have no clue wat to do i love my jacob but yet tyler tells me not to trust him idmk ugh ill figure something out other that that i miss my friends in moval and i dont like my life very much in la i still have no clue how to figure things out well ill post more later tahnxs for reading xoxo